Papa Murphy's Pizza- A Review For Shut-Ins

Don't be afraid of that big yellow orb in the sky. It is the sun. It gives us warmth.

Among other things the outside world has much to provide for the average shut-in, of the average Minnesotan during the eight winter months a year. Beyond the social skills necessary to actually interact with other humans, being outside means that you can go place. You can do things for yourself. You can be a real live grown-up person.

I get it, you are too afraid to go to a restaurant and sit down. The idea that people will question your joy of jean shorts and Battlestar Galactica t-shirt. Delivery just seems like the natural option, but you have other choices.

The first step is to put the f***ing phone down and go get your own pizza.

For too long was it the belief that delivery pizza was the way to go. Pick up the phone and in 30 or so minutes, depending on how high your delivery driver was, you would have a hot pizza pie delivered to your door. Then it got better with the addition of cheese bread. Then, gasp, wings!

All by just picking up the phone, or, for you people that are even afraid of talking to people, via the internet. Jesus, that's pathetic.

What's the deal that they are doing now? Two pizzas for $11 or something like that? Or a large with unlimited toppings for $10. Plus delivery charges. Plus a tip. It adds up. And in the end, it's just pizza. Why don't you live a little and go to Aurelio's in Roseville, or at least to Papa Murphy's for their award winning take-and-bake?

If you are so intent on going online for your pizza, do so. Go to the Papa Murphy's website, put in your zip code and get one of the omnipresent coupons so your pizza might be $7 or even less.

I know, this creates a problem in itself. You will actually have to do something that resembles cooking. Turn on the oven to a hot setting, no need to get all fancy with your math and numbers, but the pizza in. Take it out when it looks done.

Don't try to kid me and tell me you don't know when that is. You've had enough pizzas to guess when it is done, I believe in you.

Crisp up the crust, brown the cheese. Cut in in wedges or get all fancy and go with squares. Add some Franks, maybe crack a beer. This is a big-ass pizza at it's finest and freshest. You see the 16 year old kids with their Justin Beiber haircuts and snarky comments make it. You see the strange look of attitude in their eyes as they wrap it like it involves some kind of skill. You cook it yourself.

Your instincts will be much like the monster in Frankenstein, but don't worry, fire not bad. Fire good for cook food. Yum.

The crust is light and flaky. The cheese is gooey and spreads the inevitable pepperoni grease. And now, for $8.99 you can get a double decker. That's right, where once there was one, now there is two, right on top of the other and without the inconvenience of having to cut two different pizzas.

Papa Murphy's has been awarded America's Best Pizza Chain for something like 6 years in a row for a reason. But you have to try it yourself.

You have to face your fear of the outside world, of germs and Jean Paul Sartre... you know, "Hell is other people." Which may be true, but trust me, a quit walk through Hell is worth it for great fresh pizza at half the price.